So you want to be a drag queen?

For all you aspiring entertainers out there, here are a few simple rules to live by.

1. Don't fear cosmetics. You're not a woman. If you're a drag queen, you're not even trying to be a woman. As an entertainer and an impersonator, you are an illusionist. To further this illusion you need to change everything about you - this means caking on the makeup. To quote the great Misty Eyez, Cover Girl does not cover boy. This means thick, opaque, stage quality makeup. If there aren't any theatrical makeup stores near you, try Alcone or Norcostco online.

2. You're only as strong as your weakest lipsync. First and formost, you are an entertainer. If you're not entertaining, there's no reason for people to hire you, let alone throw you a few singles. Know your material. If your a stage queen, know your songs back to front. If your a dancer know your routine. If you're an MC or comedienne, know your material. I feel like this should be common knowledge, but so often I see queens crash and burn on stage because they haven't practiced.

3. Don't be a b!+@#. Seriously, just don't do it. There's nothing people hate more than a bitchy, unprofessional drag queen. I'm not saying tone anything down. Be sassy, never bitchy. Most of all, hold your art with the highest form of respect, but respect your superiors and your venue more. If a venue hires you and you end up drinking too much and getting into a fight with someone, the issue is no longer between you and a patron - it's between the patron and the venue as well. This is the easiest way to get yourself blacklisted.

4. You're not perfect. I don't care how long you've been doing drag - there's always something new we all can learn. Look at every performance and every outing as a learning experience. Grow from your mistakes. Be humble. Know your limits and push them. Try something new with your makeup or your hair or your routine every day.

5. Have fun! After all, it's only drag. Queens are shady - it's a fact of life. Don't let yourself get caught up in all the drama and self-loathing. Love your art, love others, and most of all, love yourself.

As always, follow me on Twitter, like me on Facebook, and visit my homepage at jaydhagberg.com.